The Untold Story

One of our dear friends from varsity, Jeremy, caught wind of our blogging escapades and decided to contribute. 

(Note: He’s fiercely competitive with everyone… So he might be starting a ‘better', 'cooler’ blog soon. We’ll keep you posted about that!)

But for now, here is his blog post, brought to you by us because I’m a tad lazy to figure out how the guest blogger thing works at the moment!

Enjoy!

P.S I've had this post for a few weeks... Blogger decided not to let me log on.. I guess it likes keeping you readers in suspense :P But here it is now! Hope you enjoy it!

The Untold Story

How I met Neelam, Shreeya and Chantel.

I can't really remember how I met Neelam, Shreeya and Chantel. One day it just dawned on me that these splendid young ladies happened to be sitting behind me. Yes. That’s right. I like it in front… You can hear the lectures more clearly and there are fewer students in front of you to distract you. Anyways that’s drifting a little off point. So here’s the story (or something I imagined) of how I met Neelam, Shreeya and Chantel.

“You won’t beat me” I yelled to my friend Despina as we raced towards Math. Before I continue, you should probably know that I’m super competitive and Des happens to be a genius and I compete with her at just about everything (Aaaand usually lose, unless the competition has to do with physical strength…). I can’t remember who won that race but those details are irrelevant anyway. Just know that there’s a possibility that it was me.

So after entering the lecture venue Des decided to go have a chat with some girls that I didn’t know (I still don’t know them because they weren’t Neelam, Shreeya or Chantel). I made my way to our usual spot and then a voiced boomed from the entrance “Not even death can save you from me”.

Our heads shot towards the sound. An ominous haze crept up from nowhere. It was the demon himself, Manfred. Half man, half Fred, half mathematician (150% pure evil). We all knew we were doomed. Basic anal(ysis) was about to begin. “SILENCE!” he yelled into a class that was already still. “Now class, eets naat polite tu taalk vile de lecturer E’s lecturing” he said in his sadistic voice. “Everything I know is a lie” yelled Des. She could no longer control her emotions. This was the very same demon responsible for destroying her home country, Greece and now here he was, basically telling her to “shhh” when she wasn’t even talking. I caught him giving her a death stared followed by what appeared to be a growl (she became confused). “Vell, eef yoo like noise dat much den how about I poot on de alarms AND BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT”. He typed something into his lecturer panel and ran out. The doors and windows shut behind him. (Ohhh he was mad).

“Warning high pitched alarm of death activated” said a robotic sounding female voice. I knew I would die here if I didn’t do something quickly, something smart and something Asian. “DES I NEED A PIECE OF PAPER” I yelled. “No I only have four pieces left” she rebelled, “I need them to take notes for the lecture”. She was clearly still confused by her encounter with Manfred. “Des there won’t be any more lectures if you don’t give me paper NOW!” I screamed frantically. “But paper…” she said, still unable to make out the urgency of the situation. “I’m sorry Des but I have to do this for your own good and for the good of the class”. I raised my pimp hand and gave her a smack to the back of her head (She fainted and was concussed… I don’t usually hit women but when I do I hit on them well). I stole her paper and folded a little origami box as fast as my little Chinese fingers could fold. I took a pen from somewhere, drew a smiley face on the box and ran towards the alarm sensor. I jumped on the lecture tables and used them to get high enough so that my hands could hang onto the window sill. I shimmed across and placed the box over the sensor. “No Living units detected. Alarm of death and doom and stuff deactivated” said the robotic female voice. “Yoh, Asian tendencies” yelled a mysterious voice. The day was saved. I was a hero, but one thing a hero must always do is remain modest and so I chose not to tell the class my name, instead I took a quote from Kung Fu Panda. “There is no charge for awesomeness” I said and they looked at me like I was a derp.

Next thing that happened was vector space man (Mr X, who’s name I don’t know because he never introduced himself) walks in and starts lecturing “In N dimensional vector space…” and soon enough everyone fell asleep. When the class woke up everything went back to normal. People forgot about the previous lecture, they forgot about Manfred trying to kill us. The story of the box remained as a dream like illusion too crazy to mention to anyone else. But you were there… you just don’t remember it. The events from that day were too traumatic for anyone to remember. The thing is I bet you don’t remember what you learnt in basic analysis very well and that’s because you choose to block out bad memories.

So anyways the story of how I met Neelam, Shreeya and Chantel? Well I’ve titled this piece “The Untold Story”. If I told you the story I’d have to change the title so the untold story will remain untold.